YAWN. FART.
I can't remember the last time I watched a film with such a promising storyline that I hated as badly as I did with this movie.
Diablo Cody needs to not do "horror" ever again. The acting was terrible, even from Adrian Brody, who I normally enjoy. No boobs or nudity of any kind, not that that's important, but for a rated-r movie that has a ton of females, we could've gotten something to make the time easier spent on this steaming turd. The camera always cuts away when the gore really gets going. In fact, most of the attacks inflicted by Jennifer are imposed (shadows on the wall, etc.).
The dialogue is the most atrocious assault in this whole crapfest. Chicks actually say things like "You give me such a wettie," as opposed to 'woody', and "He's so salty" when referring to a hot guy. The Juno-dialogue in a horror film just sucks. This whole movie sucks. Super-weak plot, lame line delivery, and an insultingly stupid "twist" at the end. Jackass:The Movie had a better story than this!
I would seriously administer a barium-enema to myself before watching this popped-zit of a movie again. Stay away at all costs, don't waste your movie-time on this butt-suckling, sack of phlegm-vomit.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
The House of The Devil Review
Last night, I had a miserable cough that kept me awake all night. My day job requires operations of very heavy machinery in an unstable environment, therefore, I had to call in, not something I normally do, but it's not worth the risk of being drowsy behind the wheel of a 40 ton truck. Still hacking and coughing, I thought I could use the extra time to watch a few movies I have been meaning to catch up on. One of which is called "The House of The Devil".
I'm not exactly sure what possessed me (gettit? lol) to watch this little film in which a college girl named Samantha (played wonderfully by newcomer Jocelin Donahue) is desperate to get her own house and takes an unusual babysitting job for a creepy older couple. Sounds like you've seen it before, right? In some ways, you have. The movie is smartly set in the 1980's era, which drowns out cell phones and other technology that bogs down suspense films of today, which is way cool. However, the film does have it's classic moments of horror-cliches (girl runs upstairs, not down, victims retardedly oblivious to they're surroundings, etc.), but at the same time, is self-aware of most of them. What the film-makers denied us in this 80's set movie was nudity! I'm no perv or what-not, but that was the norm for these types of films, and we got nothing. So, sorry, boys (and maybe some girls), no boobies in this one.
Now for those of you looking for demonic possession with gruesome gore, you'll get it. Just not soon. The writer/director, Ti West, really channeled his inner-Kubrick for this film, and it's nothing short of awesome. The film has an incredibly slow pace, with good intents and purposes. Building tension is hard to do in a film, and while West does a good job, you can't exactly cut it with a knife. You will be bored through most of these scenes, which involves Samantha roaming through the big house, ordering pizza, dancing to 80's music, and shrugging off strange noises. I'm warning you, while there are quick scenes of "action" spliced throughout all that, this movie takes an extremely long time to get going. I myself didn't mind though, I was enjoying watching how well the production was set up for an 80's style setting.
When it finally does get going, it's quick. Real quick. And loads of fun. What's most interesting (to me, anyways), is that there is no copious amounts nerve-wracking screaming. That shtick gets old, fast. Most horror/suspense movies pride themselves on having a "scream queen", which is cool for most horror fans, but 70 minutes of nails-on-chalkboard-screaming (ala, House of A 1,000 Corpses) is really annoying to me. Yes, they are scared, move on, seriously. The chase sequences and most of action is well done, leading up to an ending that was, in my humble opinion, smart, but unsatisfactory. West could've gone several directions with his ending, all of which I'm sure would've either been predictable or a major let-down. While he choose to give us a somewhat happy ending, he also choose not to answer many questions. While some people like that certain element of mystery, this movie, in my opinion, needed some questions answered. I can't say which ones without giving away spoilers, but if you watch this movie, you will no doubt agree, at least in part.
Bottom Line? I enjoyed this weird little creep-fest, and I'm seriously hoping it will hit Blu-Ray, as this movie just commands hi-def treatment. This would actually be a good date movie for guys who have girls who enjoy getting the creeps from a film. Go into it knowing that is a slow moving film, and you should be quite happy with it.
I'm not exactly sure what possessed me (gettit? lol) to watch this little film in which a college girl named Samantha (played wonderfully by newcomer Jocelin Donahue) is desperate to get her own house and takes an unusual babysitting job for a creepy older couple. Sounds like you've seen it before, right? In some ways, you have. The movie is smartly set in the 1980's era, which drowns out cell phones and other technology that bogs down suspense films of today, which is way cool. However, the film does have it's classic moments of horror-cliches (girl runs upstairs, not down, victims retardedly oblivious to they're surroundings, etc.), but at the same time, is self-aware of most of them. What the film-makers denied us in this 80's set movie was nudity! I'm no perv or what-not, but that was the norm for these types of films, and we got nothing. So, sorry, boys (and maybe some girls), no boobies in this one.
Now for those of you looking for demonic possession with gruesome gore, you'll get it. Just not soon. The writer/director, Ti West, really channeled his inner-Kubrick for this film, and it's nothing short of awesome. The film has an incredibly slow pace, with good intents and purposes. Building tension is hard to do in a film, and while West does a good job, you can't exactly cut it with a knife. You will be bored through most of these scenes, which involves Samantha roaming through the big house, ordering pizza, dancing to 80's music, and shrugging off strange noises. I'm warning you, while there are quick scenes of "action" spliced throughout all that, this movie takes an extremely long time to get going. I myself didn't mind though, I was enjoying watching how well the production was set up for an 80's style setting.
When it finally does get going, it's quick. Real quick. And loads of fun. What's most interesting (to me, anyways), is that there is no copious amounts nerve-wracking screaming. That shtick gets old, fast. Most horror/suspense movies pride themselves on having a "scream queen", which is cool for most horror fans, but 70 minutes of nails-on-chalkboard-screaming (ala, House of A 1,000 Corpses) is really annoying to me. Yes, they are scared, move on, seriously. The chase sequences and most of action is well done, leading up to an ending that was, in my humble opinion, smart, but unsatisfactory. West could've gone several directions with his ending, all of which I'm sure would've either been predictable or a major let-down. While he choose to give us a somewhat happy ending, he also choose not to answer many questions. While some people like that certain element of mystery, this movie, in my opinion, needed some questions answered. I can't say which ones without giving away spoilers, but if you watch this movie, you will no doubt agree, at least in part.
Bottom Line? I enjoyed this weird little creep-fest, and I'm seriously hoping it will hit Blu-Ray, as this movie just commands hi-def treatment. This would actually be a good date movie for guys who have girls who enjoy getting the creeps from a film. Go into it knowing that is a slow moving film, and you should be quite happy with it.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Some Thoughts On Quarantine
In light of 'Paranormal Activity', the mad-popularity of 'Cloverfield', and the upcoming Milla Jovovich starer 'The 4th Kind', first person-shot "big" movies are getting more and more popular. I can't even begin to say why, though.
Now, wait. This is not a negative review. However, it's not exactly a positive one, either. I actually enjoyed Quarantine, an American remake of a Spanish film called 'REC'. And to be fair, I have not seen Rec, despite hearing many good things about it. I was not at all interested in watching Quarantine, until I found the gorgeous and multi-talented Jennifer Carpenter is the lead star. Being a huge fan of Dexter, and having first noticed her (like most everyone else) in 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose', I had to see how she fared in her first real headlining role. She actually surpassed my expectations. Carpenter put a lot of effort into her role as a T.V. journalist, Angela Vidal, following a local fire department for a night for a video editorial she was putting together for her station, accompanied by her loyal cameraman, Scott.
The beginning of the movie is excellent. There are some genuinely funny scenes as the writers set up character development and future plot details. Here, we are introduced the fire crew, Angela's cameraman, and some minor plot details that will serve their purpose later in the film. Right as these scenes start to drag, the fire house gets a call and off they go to the most unforeseen hellish night of their lives.
The crew arrives at an apartment complex that had residents call in due to one their neighbors, an elderly woman, screaming bloody-murder. This is where the jump-from-your-seat scares begin. Now, unlike Paranormal Activity, this is all you get for scares. There is no real feeling of dread, and the spooky atmosphere the film tries to convey just doesn't work. It is set in an apartment builing, and as rustic as they try to make it look, in the end it is just an apartment building, and let's face it, apartments aren't scary. But if it's jump-scares your looking for, this film is loaded with 'em.
The razor-sharp wit that floated the first act of the movie is also nearly completely gone once they are in the complex as well, which is a real shame. The tenants and the rest of the cast fall into seriously familiar survival-horror territory as they begin to panic, despair, curse eachother and fight. Most of the film actually goes into formulaic horror storytelling from here. But don't let that fool you or stop you from watching this seriously entertaining movie.
As I said, this movie is absolutely chock-full of scares, and really good ones, too. If your a gore-hound, though, don't look here. It does have it moments of gruesomeness, but if you're seeking 'Hostel' type blood 'n guts, prepare to be disappointed. The first person camera aspect is done really well, too, as it should be: it's being shot as if a professional news cameraman is filming it, so there hardly any shaky-cam scenes, and the audio is always well placed, just like a real news cameraman.
What hurt this movie the most is it's star power. Okay, so we aren't exactly dealing with A-list celebrities here, but c'mon. Almost every fan of horror films is a fan of Dexter, the huge Showtime T.V. hit in which Jennifer Carpenter plays the sister of the title character. The lead firefighter role is played by Jay Hernandez of Hostel fame, and the apartment caretaker is played by Rade Serbedzija, a man who has been in countless movies, a few of them horror/thriller titles. What Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, Blair Witch, etc., got right in their casting is what Quarantine got wrong: casting unknowns for the sake of anything could happen to them, without the viewer guessing, and it helps keep that 'it's real!' aspect. I spent half of the movie trying to figure where I had seen some of the other tenant's faces.
Another thing that hurt this movie for me is it's God-awful ending. Seriously, how predictable and unoriginal could you get? While the last 5-6 minutes are the most dread-filled (not to mention, Carpenter's best acting in the whole movie) the last 10 seconds had me so upset I wanted to put an axe through my screen. They seriously could not think of anything better other to follow the footsteps of every other "cam" movie before it? It was lazy writing, pure and simple. So much more could have been done. Oh well.
Bottom line? Quarantine is fun, in-it-for-the-scares-only movie. Don't read too much into the plot, expect a typical horror movie ending and you'll have a blast. As one IMDB reviewer said, "It's definitely not boring."
Thanks for reading.
Now, wait. This is not a negative review. However, it's not exactly a positive one, either. I actually enjoyed Quarantine, an American remake of a Spanish film called 'REC'. And to be fair, I have not seen Rec, despite hearing many good things about it. I was not at all interested in watching Quarantine, until I found the gorgeous and multi-talented Jennifer Carpenter is the lead star. Being a huge fan of Dexter, and having first noticed her (like most everyone else) in 'The Exorcism of Emily Rose', I had to see how she fared in her first real headlining role. She actually surpassed my expectations. Carpenter put a lot of effort into her role as a T.V. journalist, Angela Vidal, following a local fire department for a night for a video editorial she was putting together for her station, accompanied by her loyal cameraman, Scott.
The beginning of the movie is excellent. There are some genuinely funny scenes as the writers set up character development and future plot details. Here, we are introduced the fire crew, Angela's cameraman, and some minor plot details that will serve their purpose later in the film. Right as these scenes start to drag, the fire house gets a call and off they go to the most unforeseen hellish night of their lives.
The crew arrives at an apartment complex that had residents call in due to one their neighbors, an elderly woman, screaming bloody-murder. This is where the jump-from-your-seat scares begin. Now, unlike Paranormal Activity, this is all you get for scares. There is no real feeling of dread, and the spooky atmosphere the film tries to convey just doesn't work. It is set in an apartment builing, and as rustic as they try to make it look, in the end it is just an apartment building, and let's face it, apartments aren't scary. But if it's jump-scares your looking for, this film is loaded with 'em.
The razor-sharp wit that floated the first act of the movie is also nearly completely gone once they are in the complex as well, which is a real shame. The tenants and the rest of the cast fall into seriously familiar survival-horror territory as they begin to panic, despair, curse eachother and fight. Most of the film actually goes into formulaic horror storytelling from here. But don't let that fool you or stop you from watching this seriously entertaining movie.
As I said, this movie is absolutely chock-full of scares, and really good ones, too. If your a gore-hound, though, don't look here. It does have it moments of gruesomeness, but if you're seeking 'Hostel' type blood 'n guts, prepare to be disappointed. The first person camera aspect is done really well, too, as it should be: it's being shot as if a professional news cameraman is filming it, so there hardly any shaky-cam scenes, and the audio is always well placed, just like a real news cameraman.
What hurt this movie the most is it's star power. Okay, so we aren't exactly dealing with A-list celebrities here, but c'mon. Almost every fan of horror films is a fan of Dexter, the huge Showtime T.V. hit in which Jennifer Carpenter plays the sister of the title character. The lead firefighter role is played by Jay Hernandez of Hostel fame, and the apartment caretaker is played by Rade Serbedzija, a man who has been in countless movies, a few of them horror/thriller titles. What Paranormal Activity, Cloverfield, Blair Witch, etc., got right in their casting is what Quarantine got wrong: casting unknowns for the sake of anything could happen to them, without the viewer guessing, and it helps keep that 'it's real!' aspect. I spent half of the movie trying to figure where I had seen some of the other tenant's faces.
Another thing that hurt this movie for me is it's God-awful ending. Seriously, how predictable and unoriginal could you get? While the last 5-6 minutes are the most dread-filled (not to mention, Carpenter's best acting in the whole movie) the last 10 seconds had me so upset I wanted to put an axe through my screen. They seriously could not think of anything better other to follow the footsteps of every other "cam" movie before it? It was lazy writing, pure and simple. So much more could have been done. Oh well.
Bottom line? Quarantine is fun, in-it-for-the-scares-only movie. Don't read too much into the plot, expect a typical horror movie ending and you'll have a blast. As one IMDB reviewer said, "It's definitely not boring."
Thanks for reading.
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